Double Standards in Marriage: 6 Things I Do That My Husband is Absolutely Not Allowed to Do

double standards marriage double standards marriage

Do you ever find yourself saying something to your husband that you would absolutely FLIP OUT about if he were to say the exact same thing to you? That’s me, as I get dressed for our date night, telling my husband his shirt is too small and he needs to change.

Thing is, if, after seeing my outfit choice, that man says anything to me other than “Wow babe you look hot” with absolutely zero pause, both of our nights will be in serious danger of being ruined.  It’s just one of those double standards in our marriage. And as I make him wait for me while I try on every single outfit I own, I can’t help but think of a few others – AKA all the things that I do that is absolutely not allowed to do. Here are a few.

1.) Be moody for no specific reason

    Moodiness is a privilege that should only be enjoyed by those individuals who, by no fault of their own, have to suffer through constant hormonal changes and imbalances throughout their entire adult life.  If you are not forced to BLEED every SINGLE month for the better part of your life, sit down. I could elaborate, but I feel I’ve made my point.

2.) Have an expectation about the cleanliness of our home

    Does anyone else’s partner sometimes act like when they are home alone with the children, there is absolutely no way they could possibly do anything else?  Like, loading the dishwasher was not possible because they were “holding the baby.”  If you’re like me, you find yourself enraged by the state of the house when you return from a rare moment of alone time (usually running an errand for one of the people from which you are seeking the alone time.)

    At least in our house, the majority of the household tasks fall on me.  And there are days where these responsibilities are more than I can handle.  But if my husband returns home from a long day of not having to parent, and has the audacity to point this out, I would advise him to have an exit strategy in place. Because shit is about to go down.

3.) Critique my parenting

    As the default parent, overthinking each parenting move I make is how I spend about 90% of my down time. Was I too hard on my child during that meltdown?  Did I  let them have too much screen time this week? Do my children think I am mean? Did I pay enough attention to my child’s mood and are they doing okay with their friends in school?

    The list of questions we ask ourselves is endless. This is not something that the NON default parent typically does, at least not in my household, which is why it is not acceptable for them to throw corrections our way.  I can offer a critique when I think my husband needs it because of this reason: He is not sitting around critiquing himself during his down time the way I constantly am.  And maybe he should be.

4.) Complain about how tired he is

    Excuse me, but if you’re like me, you haven’t had a good night’s sleep since the day your firstborn was conceived. Between the discomfort during pregnancy, the nightly feeding during the first year of their lives, followed by the endless 3am anxiety that can often come with parenting, sleep is a very difficult fella to get ahold of.  However, if I had a dollar for every sleepless night I spent listening to my husband snore, I would be a very wealthy woman. One bad night of sleep does not an exhausted person make.  Until you’ve gone three months in a row, or three weeks, or how about even THREE DAYS, you will always be second place when it comes to exhaustion. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

5.) Not pay attention when I am talking

    I’ll be the first to admit that I am guilty of zoning out when my husband starts talking to me about work, or a watch, or something that I do not have a specific interest in. But when my husband tunes me out, he often misses something that we cannot afford for him to miss.  I am not trying to say that everything I say is important, and everything he says is not.  But, as the person in charge of our calendar and schedules, most of what comes out of my mouth is planning-related, and therefore quite critical to the success of our lives. Nothing enrages me more than when he acts like I never told him something that I most certainly told him.

6.) Not being “in the “mood”

    This is a touchy subject, but it is SO IMPORTANT.  I am not always in the mood, and I have no problem pushing my husband’s hand away to make that clear.  But when I am in the mood, I most certainly do not expect my husband to push me away in any manner of speaking.  That would be unacceptable, and I think it stems from the fact that when it comes to libido, we are not all coming from the same starting point. If you’re like me, you have a lot more road blocks when it comes to sex drive than your partner.  For example, medication such as birth control or anxiety/depression pills, whether you’ve had restful sleep, number of times you’ve been touched during the day, whether or not you have had time to take care of yourself, how you’re feeling in your post baby body. The list goes on and on.  So when my husband doesn’t seem to be in the mood when I am, I feel stress.  When will I be in the mood again? Why doesn’t he want to be intimate with me?  Remember,  I am already the one constantly asking myself all of the questions, and the last thing I need is second guessing in the bedroom.

And now, I’ve made us late to our date night, which is another thing that only I am allowed to do.

Like what you see? Sign up for our weekly newsletter.

Anneliese King lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and three wild boys. She's passionate about supporting parents through laughter and real talk on her instagram page @shittymommymoments, and putting a stop to the notion that your house, your hair, or your mental health should appear perfectly intact at all times in order to be a good mom to your kids.