The pleading. The whining. The excuses. Every parent of young kids knows the madness that is bedtime—and it’s a pretty good bet that most of us have lost it trying to present a calm, united front in the Battle of the Bed.
Fortunately, some parents channel their nighttime frustration into some pretty hilarious tweets, and we’ve rounded up some of our favorites. Share them with your spouse the next time your little one calls out for their 12th glass of water.
Passive aggression can be an art form.
If you've never said "I love you too" in a way that sounds a tad bit angry, then you must not have kids you are trying to put to bed.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 1, 2016
Sometimes a leisurely book isn’t in the cards.
The bedtime stories I tell my son have gotten so quick that there's hardly anything to them besides "Once upon a time" and "The end."
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 16, 2013
Be prepared for next-level stalling techniques.
ME: It’s really late. Lights out!
9: Ok, but can we talk about one thing first.
ME: Sure buddy, anything.
9: Let’s go through all the MLB teams in alphabetical order and say what we think about each one.
ME: Um
9: Ok, I’ll go first.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 30, 2018
Sometimes, apathy is the only option.
Him: We should get these guys in bed.
Me: Mmhmm.
(Elapsed time 58 minutes)
Him: We should get these guys in bed.
Me: Mmhmm.
Rinse.
Repeat.— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) July 26, 2015
Stating the obvious can be therapeutic.
[Tucking my daughter in]
4-year-old: Why do you make me sleep every day?
Me: So I can stay sane every day?
4-year-old: …….
Me: …….
4-year-old: Nite.
Me: Nite.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 19, 2018
Maybe a little supernatural support is what we all need?
during bedtime the toddler announced there is a second "purple mommy" who appears at night someone help pls help
— Chantal Braganza (@chantalbraganza) January 7, 2019
Always—always!—eliminate unnecessary choices.
Thank you, overnight diapers, for putting different pictures on the fronts. Nothing goes smoother at toddler bedtime than options.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) August 4, 2016
Making sure both parents are on board with the nighttime ritual can be… challenging.
Me: it's time for bed, kids!
Husband: first one to race through this pillow fort obstacle course and gives me 50 jumping jacks wins.— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) February 7, 2017
Sure, bedtime is hard, but to be honest, the alternative is worse.
One of the hardest things about being a parent is the bit when they’re awake.
— The Dad (@thedad) January 5, 2019
