The teasing starts the moment you share that you’re pregnant: “Enjoy sleep while you can!” Unfortunately, this turns out to be one of those adages that’s 100 percent true. Horribly, torturously true. Tending to our adorable little dictators throughout the night—and/or waking up before dawn—is a tour of duty none us signed up for. At least these parents have turned their sleep-deprivation into comedy gold.
Don’t fight it. Resistance is futile.
Do you remember being in your prime, saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” in a YOLO sort of way?
And now that you’re a parent, you realize that this phrase is actually your staggering reality now: The next time you get a good night’s sleep, you’ll probably be dead.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) January 18, 2019
When your desire for sleep morphs into the Matrix.
Parenthood has made me so tired that even in my dreams I'm just trying to get more sleep.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 17, 2017
Think very carefully about your family planning…
Have kids close in age so they can be friends and so you don't sleep for 7 years.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) October 5, 2018
Attempts to shame the children will likely sail over their heads.
3 YO, looking at popcorn tin with The Grinch on it: Why is the Grinch mad?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe his kids didn’t let him sleep last night.
— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) December 17, 2018
Lionel Ritchie must have had a nanny.
Easy like Sunday morning except you have kids so it's not easy at all and early, so early, why is it so so early?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 16, 2018
Your body will likely betray you.
Doctor: How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Me: Between 7 and 8.
Eye bag, twitching in Morse code:
S H E I S L Y I N G
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 6, 2018
Look for the silver linings.
Congratulations on your newborn.
Both sides of your pillow are now the cool side since you hardly will ever use it again.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 5, 2018
‘It’s only a phase’ doesn’t hold true, sadly.
Me: Our kids are finally at an age where we can sleep in on week-
Youth sports: Let me stop you right there.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 5, 2018
When your battery is at 5 percent…forever.
You know when you’ve plugged your phone into a charger only to discover the charger wasn’t ever plugged into an outlet therefore your phone actually hasn’t been recharged at all?
That’s what going to sleep for the night as a parent is like.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) November 15, 2018
Accept the universal truth.
It takes a lot of energy to have energy.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) January 9, 2019