Halloween. ‘Tis the season for parents to purchase/make/magically produce intricate costumes, stock the house with candy (usually a couple times, ahem), come up with clever class treats, and, then, on the special day itself, wrangle kids through a late night fueled by vats of candy — AKA a perfect storm. All parents know that Halloween with kids is a special kind of (joy and) madness.
The messaging is kind of wonky.
Parents 364 days a year: Don't take candy from strangers.
Parents on Halloween: Take candy from strangers. In the dark. And share with me.
— Walking Outside With Spooks (@WalkingOutside) October 19, 2016
The fruits of your labor aren’t always lovingly received.
I decorated for fall & the kids had it torn apart in 18 hrs. I'm going to decorate for Halloween by slowly burying myself in the front yard.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) October 3, 2017
You learn efficiency, tho.
New Mom: I bought my kids’ Halloween costumes back in August!
Me: That’s cool. I take my kids shopping on October 31st so they can’t change their minds 800 times.
— 👻Sarcastic Mommy👻 (@sarcasticmommy4) October 9, 2019
Your child will have his or her own ideas.
8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year!
Me: Cool, what color?
Me: *pours drink* Let's do it
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 29, 2017
Don’t worry about “logic.”
It's cute how we pretend we get "free" candy for Halloween, as if we didn't spend a ton of money on costumes and candy to give to strangers.
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) October 19, 2016
The Halloween Industrial Complex has you in good hands.
*Waves hand through the air in a Spirit Halloween store*
I can remember when all this was just Walgreens.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 21, 2019
For some, the holiday can bring up deep-seated anxieties.
We're 4 weeks out from Halloween and I'm at peak anxiety that this will be the year my kids figure out how delicious peanut butter cups are.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) October 5, 2016
Everyone’s triggers are different.
Me: Hey kids, can you please stop putting your empty candy wrappers back in your Halloween bag, it confuses daddy
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 11, 2016
Halloween does have many upsides…
Halloween is the best because it’s the one day my kids go around demanding snacks from everyone else.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 31, 2018
… like the chance for meaningful conversations with your children.
5-year-old: Can I wear my Halloween costume?
5: Why not?
Me: It's not Halloween.
5: That's what you said yesterday.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2019
Parents, be sure not to leave all the fun to the kids!
Mom Halloween Costume Ideas:
Slutty Cracked iPad Screen
Slutty Unfinished Bento Box Lunch
Slutty Toothpaste Puddle
Slutty Pile of Laundry
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) October 19, 2016
There are simple costumes that barely take any work at all.
Funny how everyone at my son's school is commenting on my zombie costume when this is just what I look like now.
— 🐱Mommy Curses👻 (@mommy_cusses) October 19, 2016
Other costumes are completely transformative.
This Halloween, I'm going as a Sexy Parent, which is just a parent who took a shower, got dressed, and is nowhere near any children.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 17, 2017
With every year, there’s the chance to build more Halloween memories…
[frantically trying to free up storage space on my phone as my kid marches by in the school Halloween parade]
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) October 31, 2016
… and, happily, those memories will last a lifetime.
As my son picked through his Halloween candy, he asked, "When can we go get a Christmas tree?"
Have kids. It's fun.
— 👻Sarcastic Mommy👻 (@sarcasticmommy4) November 1, 2016